Teaching Gratitude to Children: Why It Matters and How to Do It
As a parent, teaching gratitude to your children is one of the most valuable gifts you can give them. In today’s world, where instant gratification is the norm, it’s easy for kids to take things for granted and focus on what they don’t have rather than what they do have. But gratitude is a learned mindset and pattern of behaviors that can be taught and nurtured from a young age.
The Benefits of Gratitude
Research has shown that having a mindset of gratitude is associated with numerous benefits, including increased happiness, greater self-confidence, and a more positive outlook on life. Gratitude has also been linked to the release of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are beneficial at preventing depression, enhancing our mood, and feelings of motivation.
According to Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, “when life is going well, gratitude allows us to celebrate and magnify the goodness. But what about when life is going badly? It’s in the face of feeling broken, that it is gratitude that can give us the power to heal.”
How Gratitude Supports Us in Our Lives
Having a mindset of gratitude adds to:
- increased happiness
- greater self-confidence
- a more positive outlook on life
- development of Emotional Intelligence
- resiliency in all areas
- a growth mindset
- positive relationships
- a strong immune system
- increased financial stability
The Challenges of Teaching Gratitude
We live in a world where instant gratification is the norm, making it difficult for some young children and teens to experience feelings of intense gratitude for the everyday gifts in their lives. Many parents struggle to teach their children to be grateful and appreciate what they have.
Do you ever feel like your kids take things for granted? Do you ever feel like your kids only focus on what they want and not what they already have? You’re not alone. As a parent coach who works one-on-one with families globally, I can promise you that parents everywhere are feeling this struggle.
My 5-Step Plan to SHOUT It Out!
To teach gratitude to children, I recommend using my 5-step plan, which I call “SHOUT It Out!” The goal is to help children become so jubilant in realizing all that they have, they’ll want to SHOUT it out to the world!
S is for Self
We start with what is closest to our children, their own bodies. Most children may not ever pay attention to the wonders of the miracles that their bodies produce daily. Examples of how we can begin to have gratitude for our bodies include:
- My body can take in fuel in the form of food and get rid of its own waste.
- I was able to get out of bed by myself today.
- My arms and legs allow me to get from one place to another, to feed myself, and to reach things so that I may dress myself and complete other daily tasks.
H is for Heart
When you think of the heart of gratitude, think of your family and your home. Ask your child to generate examples of this based on their own lives. Some examples may include:
- I’m so lucky to have a family and people who care about me in my life.
- I’m so fortunate to have a place to live, food to eat, and a bed to sleep in.
- It makes me so happy that I have toys and games to play with in my home.
O is for Our Community
When you think about your community, encourage your child to think about their school, neighborhood, sports, or religious communities. Examples may include:
- There are so many resources and people around me that I can learn from.
- In my neighborhood, I have friends and people who care about me.
- I want to volunteer to help others in my community to help make it a better place.
U is for Unique Responses
When you think about unique responses, focus on the ability that your child has to express their own gratitude, verbally or in written form, to others and to be able to actively listen to hear how others are sharing their gratitude toward your child. Examples may include:
- The man at the store held the door open for me and helped me bag my groceries, so I told him how much I appreciated his kindness.
- My neighbor watered my plants for me while I was away, so I wrote him a thank-you note to show my appreciation.
T is for Time
When we think about time and how it relates to living a life of gratitude, it’s essential to help our children realize that not everything we may want or need in life will happen instantly. Examples for Time may include:
- I really wanted a new skateboard, so I saved my money from my babysitting job for over 2 months to be able to buy one.
- I didn’t have enough cash to buy a new bicycle, so instead of charging it on my parents’ credit card and having to pay interest, I waited until I had enough money saved to pay for it.
Additional Strategies to Teach Gratitude to Your Children
In addition to My 5-Step Plan to SHOUT It Out!, here are some additional parenting strategies:
- Family conversations about what everyone is grateful for
- Verbalize your thinking about how gratitude has positively impacted your life
- Gratitude Journal: Keep a family or individual gratitude journal in which you can document what you or family members are grateful for on that day.
- Gratitude Jar: A Family Gratitude Jar models the same idea. Family members can write what he/she feels gratitude for on a small piece of paper and then put the papers in the jar.
- Gratitude Hunt: When going out with your child or even while watching a TV show or movie, watch observantly to identify how other people are displaying gratitude towards another person.
The Goal
Teaching our children about how to live a life of gratitude is so much more than simply saying “please” and “thank you.” It’s about our internal conversations, how we choose to face our problems, our perspectives about life, and our true happiness. As John F. Kennedy said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
If you would like a complimentary copy of my graphic “Gratitude My 5-Step Plan to SHOUT It Out!”, please send me an email at karikarikling.com with the word “SHOUT” and I’d be happy to have a copy sent to you.
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Kari Kling, M.Ed., Parent Coach
Kari’s 40 years of experience as an internationally recognized educator, counselor, parent coach, and author-speaker has given her the expertise to guide thousands of parents to reach their parenting goals. Kari’s solid understanding of how we behave and learn is grounded in neuroscience.
You can email Kari to learn more about her parent coaching services at karikarikling.com or check out her website and social media.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the importance of teaching gratitude to children?
Teaching gratitude to children is essential as it helps them develop a positive outlook, increases happiness, and fosters a growth mindset.
How can I teach my child to be grateful?
You can teach your child to be grateful by using the “SHOUT It Out!” 5-step plan, which includes Self, Heart, Our Community, Unique Responses, and Time.
What are some additional strategies to teach gratitude?
Some additional strategies include having family conversations about gratitude, keeping a gratitude journal, creating a gratitude jar, and going on a gratitude hunt.
How can I get a copy of the “SHOUT It Out!” graphic?
You can email Kari Kling at karikarikling.com with the word “SHOUT” to receive a complimentary copy.
What are the benefits of having a mindset of gratitude?
Having a mindset of gratitude is associated with increased happiness, greater self-confidence, and a more positive outlook on life, among other benefits.